Achlan wasachlan! Welcome and Welmet!

“Our Jihad is a ‘dump-on-the-hacks program.’ We shit on the idiots and things which try to alter and destroy something beautiful and human — Dune!”

“Seriously, if Fremen blogged, this is what it would look like.” —Pants McCracky

Yastayqiz an-Naim!

Posted By SandChigger on September 28, 2014

Slowly, groggily, this Sleeper awakes!

Brian Herbert says Navigators fold space?

Posted By SandChigger on January 4, 2012

In a video posted on Suvudu by Shawn “Suck-up” Speakman, Brian Herbert discusses the upcoming books in the Great Schools trilogy and says,

“And again we have the Navigators can mu… they’re mutated and they can fold space and they encompass the entire universe in their mind.” (Around 2:39)

Oh really? This must be one of those “secret” facts about the Dune universe that Shitterhood is supposed to reveal.

(He also goes on to plug his new Bible history rewrite and other FAILS.)

Addenda: This is gold:

9:25 “Kevin is a physicist. He worked at Los Alamos, at Lawrence Livermore Laboratory.”

Yeah… but AS A TECHNICAL WRITER. Fucking hell. WAY to edit reality, Brian!

10:30 Brian tells about KJA deleting one of his chapters in House Atreides so he rewrote and reinserted it and KJA didn’t notice.

Who knew: It was Brian Herbert who’s rewriting the Bible?!

Posted By SandChigger on January 2, 2012

We always figured that someday Kevin J. Anderson would be the one whose hubris enabled him to attempt rewriting [read: ass-raping] the Bible the way he has been doing to Dune over the last decade. But it was actually Brian, the quiet, almost non-existent one who had his eye on the Good Books saggy buttocks!

The Stolen Gospels by Brian Herbert!

Product Description Book 1 of 2 in the Stolen Gospels Series

Lori Vale, a rebellious teenager, is thrust into the middle of a violent religious conflict when her mother is murdered, and the girl is taken to a heavily guarded fortress in an ancient Greek monastery. There, a group of radical women is creating an earthshaking religious text, the Holy Women’s Bible. The new sacred book will include the Old Testament and the New Testament, edited to alter gospels that are detrimental to the interests of women, such as passages asserting that they should obey their husbands, remain silent in churches, and suffer the burden of Eve’s sins.

A third section of the Holy Women’s Bible is the biggest bombshell, the Testament of the She-Apostles. It asserts that Jesus Christ had 24 apostles, not 12, and half were women called “she-apostles.” Eleven she-apostles have been reincarnated in modern times as female children, and are revealing new female-oriented gospels about the life of Jesus, stories they say were omitted from the Bible by male church authorities who decided what to include in the Bible and what to leave out of it, in order to assert the power and dominance of men over women.

The radical women have dangerous enemies, and Lori’s life is in grave peril, along with the lives of the remarkable female apostles of Jesus. . . .

Oh. Holy. Fuck.

Sound kinda familiar? Is it any coincidence that Brian is writing a book on an ancient and secretive female religious order at the same time he and Kevin are supposedly writing a book on the origin of the Bene Gesserit in the Duniverse?

For fuck’s sake, Brian, go back to writing bad joke books.

Or selling insurance.

Or changing beds and cleaning bathrooms as a maid, like you’ve done before. I’m sure there’s a motel with a HELP WANTED sign out front somewhere nearby…

(Book 2 is here. Both are published by KJA’s WordFire Press, their new private vanity press.)

(And by the way, this does nothing to assuage my suspicions that Brian Herbert is actually the evil mastermind behind KJA’s sweaty posterior pulping & pumping of his father’s Dune.)

Vader’s Fisters are lubing up ass, I mean, AS we speak…

Posted By SandChigger on January 2, 2012

Poor Kevin.

Does he feel he needs these asshats around, or does he just lack the balls to tell them to fuck off?

Or, best of all, does he really really really think they’re cool?!

Oh Holy Maker, I do hope that’s it!

(Clicky)

Sisterhood of Dune Synopsis

Posted By SandChigger on January 1, 2012

I’ll be updating the chapter-by-chapter synopsis for Sisterhood of Dune as I begin reading through the thing in earnest today. Comment here on this post or via the contact form, please!

Got any questions for Kevin?

Posted By SandChigger on December 30, 2011

Anyone got any questions you want me to be sure to try to ask KJA at either of the upcoming Dayton or Cincinnati book tour events? (I’ll be attending both.) Use the comments section below to let me know!

Also include any ideas about how I should ask him to sign my copy of Sisterhood of Dune.

As TAZ used to say… GOOD TIMES!!!

Kirkus Reviews says Sisterhood of Dune “drones” flatly

Posted By SandChigger on December 23, 2011

At the end of a review posted back on November 15 (Did KJA cum over himself about this one on Twitter? Or as usual did he just ignore another ambivalent review?), after basically recapping the cover blurb, Kirkus Reviews writes

Characters and plot are thus beautifully set up, the timing is precise; alas that the prose drones in the usual flat, affectless manner, while the characters for the most part lack personality and distinction.

Ouch.

McDune, sure, but the universe conceived by Frank Herbert is so vast, complex and fascinating that the magic lingers, and even Herbert-Anderson detractors will be hard put to resist the allure.

Please. It’s shit. Even you just used “McDune” to describe it!

This crap has nothing to do with Frank Herbert’s work. The only thing DUNE about this is the word appearing on the title.