Who knew: It was Brian Herbert who’s rewriting the Bible?!

Posted By SandChigger on January 2, 2012

We always figured that someday Kevin J. Anderson would be the one whose hubris enabled him to attempt rewriting [read: ass-raping] the Bible the way he has been doing to Dune over the last decade. But it was actually Brian, the quiet, almost non-existent one who had his eye on the Good Books saggy buttocks!

The Stolen Gospels by Brian Herbert!

Product Description Book 1 of 2 in the Stolen Gospels Series

Lori Vale, a rebellious teenager, is thrust into the middle of a violent religious conflict when her mother is murdered, and the girl is taken to a heavily guarded fortress in an ancient Greek monastery. There, a group of radical women is creating an earthshaking religious text, the Holy Women’s Bible. The new sacred book will include the Old Testament and the New Testament, edited to alter gospels that are detrimental to the interests of women, such as passages asserting that they should obey their husbands, remain silent in churches, and suffer the burden of Eve’s sins.

A third section of the Holy Women’s Bible is the biggest bombshell, the Testament of the She-Apostles. It asserts that Jesus Christ had 24 apostles, not 12, and half were women called “she-apostles.” Eleven she-apostles have been reincarnated in modern times as female children, and are revealing new female-oriented gospels about the life of Jesus, stories they say were omitted from the Bible by male church authorities who decided what to include in the Bible and what to leave out of it, in order to assert the power and dominance of men over women.

The radical women have dangerous enemies, and Lori’s life is in grave peril, along with the lives of the remarkable female apostles of Jesus. . . .

Oh. Holy. Fuck.

Sound kinda familiar? Is it any coincidence that Brian is writing a book on an ancient and secretive female religious order at the same time he and Kevin are supposedly writing a book on the origin of the Bene Gesserit in the Duniverse?

For fuck’s sake, Brian, go back to writing bad joke books.

Or selling insurance.

Or changing beds and cleaning bathrooms as a maid, like you’ve done before. I’m sure there’s a motel with a HELP WANTED sign out front somewhere nearby…

(Book 2 is here. Both are published by KJA’s WordFire Press, their new private vanity press.)

(And by the way, this does nothing to assuage my suspicions that Brian Herbert is actually the evil mastermind behind KJA’s sweaty posterior pulping & pumping of his father’s Dune.)

About The Author

I am a bug.


8 Responses to “Who knew: It was Brian Herbert who’s rewriting the Bible?!”

  1. SandChigger says:

    But you gotta love “She-Apostles”. :lol:

  2. Rob Wright says:

    Sometimes I wonder if Bri-Bri truly understands what he is doing to his father’s legacy. In his own words he never understood what his father was doing and all this shit his his attempt at building a legacy so daddy would be proud of him.

  3. Nekhrun says:

    I’ll bet that this book about a group of women re-writing the bible ends of being incredibly misogynistic.

  4. SandChigger says:

    :lol: Yep.

    But in his defense, it is rather difficult to hate the world without hating women, too. ;)

    I’m kinda curious about how many of the characters will be named after alcoholic beverages he supposedly no longer indulges in. :P

  5. Nekhrun says:

    Bobo hates the world? I thought it was just his dad based on all of the McDune characters with daddy issues.

  6. SandChigger says:

    Well, I assumed from the way that he keeps destroying the Earth in various books that he must really hate the world something fierce. ;)

  7. Tleilax Master B says:

    “She-apostles”!!! He couldn’t even go with “shepostles”, just to shorten it up a bit. Damn, that is just funny as shit. I laughed so hard when I read that. I don’t see how these guys can even take their work seriously anymore. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel criticizing these two jokers! Later to be revealed, the She-siah is actualy Shesus Christ!

Leave a Reply