Posted By SandChigger on July 13, 2010
The ever original arnoldo has posted this over on the Dune Novels BBS:
The following contest is open to anyone wishing to select any scene to script for the upcoming Dune movie. After all entries are submitted a poll will be opened where anyone can vote for the winner. Good Luck!
Aw… how flattering! arny has created a fanfic contest! But his will be decided by a poll, by other little people like himself!
The rest of the post is arny’s tongue-in-buttcheek example of a “scene” which plagiarizes the opening of The Sound of Music:
The screen grows hazy from a sandstorm, then clears. We fly through the dust cloud and emerge from the haze over a sand dune outside a fremen sietch.
Distan bats fly past us carrying battle messages. Semuta music sneaks in.
Um, arny… the Fremen weren’t semuta addicts. Nor would they have permitted one to live among them. Moron.
We close in on a young fremen woman dancing without rhythm. She is wearing a stillsuit and has total blue eyes.
As the shot closes in on her slowly, she raises her arms and spins as if in a trance.
Fremen (note capitalization, arny!) didn’t normally come out during the day. Much less dance on the dunes right after a sandstorm.
And then Julie, I mean, Chani, sings:
The sand dunes are alive with the sound of jihad
With blood that will spill on a thousand planets
The sand dunes fill my heart with a terrible purpose
My crysknife wants to slay the sardaukar
The distran bats send Stilgar’s battle orders
My crysknife wants to slay the harkonnen
From Geidi Prime to Lankiveil
Chani runs back into the sietch to embrace Usul.
arny, seriously dude, STICK WITH la vida loca and SPANISH. You honestly have no feel for the ingles. At all. How about this, pendejo?
The dunes are alive
With the sound of jihad!
With blood that will spill
On a thousand worlds! etc.
THAT would be sing-along-with-Julie-able; your bullshit simply isn’t.
Here, I’ll let you all in on a little secret that explains a lot of this. The other day, arny sent me a copy of his “Animals of Dune” fanfic from the DN BBS as a submission to the Dune Fan Fiction Contest. Since one of the rules of the contest is that submissions be new and never posted online before, I rejected it. Obviously the little guy is smarting from having his hands smacked.