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“Our Jihad is a ‘dump-on-the-hacks program.’ We shit on the idiots and things which try to alter and destroy something beautiful and human — Dune!”

“Seriously, if Fremen blogged, this is what it would look like.” —Pants McCracky

Bug Score: HToD outranked KJAblog for Sisterhood of Dune!

Posted By SandChigger on December 10, 2011

When I did a search for “Sisterhood of Dune” just now, a page here on this website actually outranked Kevin J. Anderson’s own blahg. Eat it and weep, KJA BITCH!

Google results for Sisterhood of Dune, December 9, 2011

And in the results for a Google Blog search, this blog came up second yet again!

Google blog results for Sisterhood of Dune, December 9, 2011

The access stats also show that there have already been more than 30 Sisterhood-related hits on this site in just the first nine days of this month. That’s nearly one-third of the total similar hits for all of last month.

Hairy Ticks of Dune is rapidly becoming the wired world’s first or second most popular source for Sisterhood of Dune news!

The newest shitline from KJASF? Or just David drooling in public again?

Posted By SandChigger on December 5, 2011

A thread on Facebook… led to a new discussion over on Goodreads

Ricco Carver: Some guy has a debate going!
Dune – Dune 7

(showing 1-40 of 40)
?40 discussion posts. Matthew said: Hey all, I’ve noticed there are no discussion groups for Dune (none that I can find anyway). So, I’m starting this one to…

Friday at 8:51pm

David James: Yeah, it looked a lot like the same old, same old of the arguments that have gone back and forth over the last few years or so. I figured I’d comment on something I’ve never seen discussed, but of course I haven’t seen every discussion, so I may have missed something somewhere. ; )
19 hours ago

Yes, DaVEED, you’ve definitely missed something somewhere. See the end of this post for this fucking sycophant’s brilliant contribution.

Adam O’Brien: I had a look at it the other day, same old song. They must get tired of playing the same tune don’t you think? They’ll fade away.
18 hours ago via mobile

Unlike you, who’ll keep sucking on KJA’s cyber-phallus until something comes of it? Right. Still here, fuckface. Not going anywhere soon.

Adam O’Brien: There’s more fans of Kevin and Brian’s writing now more than ever.
18 hours ago via mobile

Yes, Adam, it must be a great comfort to you that the world is full of other stupid people you can share with.

David finally manages to find his wind (or maybe he just removed his head from his ass, allowing it to blow free?) and commences one of his trademark Walls of Text:

David James: Most people realize that it’s not going to sound like Frank, that it’s not Frank writing it, that not every single detail will be from Frank’s notes, etc., etc., etc.

No one has ever said that they expected any of those things, moron. But nice savaging of your own strawman!

After all, if it had been Frank that had written these stories and left them behind – complete and intact with all the details – for Brian to find, Kevin’s name wouldn’t even need to be on the cover, just Brian’s underneath his dad’s. As there has to be some creativity on the part of Brian and Kevin to “flesh out” the details from what Frank left them (and therefore join their creativity with Frank’s), then it only makes sense that there will be some things different outside of just the writing style – especially as we get into the more recent stuff.

Um… OK. I’m a bit disturbed by DaVEED bandying about the image of Brian and Kevin mixing their creative juices with Frank Herbert’s (Shades of that graveyard rape cartoon that prematurely sent Brian screaming into his second infancy!). Then again, maybe he’s actually gotten laid since making that infamous YouTube video…

I think Brian has done just as much as he could to honor his dad just as Christopher Tolkien did for his, and Kevin has done just as much to honor Frank as Brandon Sanderson has done to honor Robert Jordan. At this point, the story is “finished”, and they can do what they feel they must from anything Frank left behind or from what they had already written based on what Frank left behind.

Sucking on Sanderson’s virtual weenie now as well? I guess he would know Sanderson, too, though, from those SuperSucker Writing Semenars. (Oh well, they’re friends among friends, it all gets around.)

But… wow: Read that last sentence there again. How in love do you have to be not to be able to see how they are now just milking the franchise till the tits run dry? Dayum, DaVEED, wake up and smell where your head has been all this time!

The ball is in their court and I for one think they’ve handled things well – both with the stories I’ve read thus far and the people and situations they’ve had to deal with along the way. Whatever comes in the future with this series is perfectly fine and I’m sure that Brian’s choice will be the right one.
18 hours ago

Amazing. He’s swallowed the ole hook, line and sinker so far that KJA will never get his virtual pecker free. Damn. Keep in mind that this fucker HAS NOT YET READ ALL OF THE DUNE BOOKS!

Fucking amazing, huh?

I’ll leave it to the interested reader to go through the Goodreads discussion (I haven’t read all of it yet myself), but here is the first paragraph of DaVEED’s revolutionary contribution there:

In all the criticisms and praises that I’ve read both here and at Amazon and many other places, I’ve never heard anyone mention the possibility that when Brian and Kevin came upon the notes left behind by Frank they had found the very characters in those notes which they then wrote about in the two books of “Dune 7″ and that when they went about to write the trilogy for The Butlerian Jihad they put those characters in the places where they would have been for that story in preparation for when they would have to write about what Frank had left them to write about the very same characters in the conclusion, all just to set things up for that conclusion.

The question we have to ask is this: is David James smart enough to have come up with that on his own? Or is this KJA’s latest floater, shit out of his creative orifice in his continuing attempt to obfuscate what he’s really doing—which is fucking Dune and Frank Herbert’s legacy up its ass—regurgitated whole out of David James’ willing mouth?

First Sisterhood of Dune excerpt? (Who sharted?! Oh, KJA!)

Posted By SandChigger on November 24, 2011

In a post on his blahg yesterday ostensibly about the Sisterhood UK dustcover, KJA began with the following excerpt(?!):

Today they were enduring another funeral for a dead Sister, one more tragic death from poison…another failure to create the second Reverend Mother.

Crisis. Survival. Advancement.

Raquella didn’t know how many more lives she could justify losing in order to reach the elusive goal. Optimistic and determined, her best trainees continued to believe in her.

And they died.

It is eighty-three years after [snip]

OK… if that’s a real excerpt of the upcoming shitfest… ignore how bad it is and consider this instead:

WE MAY HAVE A WINNER IN THE SHITTERHOOD PREDICTIONS GAME!!!

Remember the “Predictions for Sisterhood of Dune (No The)” page here on HToD? Well, if you go have a look, you’ll find this:

35 chapters, each detailing the fatal effects of trying out different poisons, [as part of the description of how the Bene Gesserit] get from … magic, suicide bomber-witches to RMs. (Omphalos)

Congratulations, Omphalos!

Returning to that potential excerpt for a moment: Anyone else think KJA is ripping off Frank Herbert in Dune just a little there?

“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “They tried and died.”

Come on… do you really think Ultra-Hack Kevin J. Anderson would be above doing something like that?

Sisterhood of Dune blurb rewritten by Harriet Klausner

Posted By SandChigger on November 23, 2011

Former Amazon No. 1 Review-Publisher Harriet Klausner has rewritten the plot summary blurb for Sisterhood of Dune and posted it on at least two blogs. (Which I won’t link to for obvious reasons.)

Over eight decades ago, humanity defeated the tyrannical sentient cybernetics at the key Battle of Corrin. Debate rages over the use of safe machines in the everyday lives of people.

You can see from her first paragraph that Harriet’s English hasn’t gotten much better in the interim. Tyrannical sentient cybernetics? What the fuck?!

First Reverend Mother of the Sisterhood Raquella Berto-Anirul opens the Bene Gesserit School on the rainforest planet of Rossak as a place to teach women to use technology to improve their lot. The Venport descendants deploy mutated Navigators to fly early versions of Heighliners. On the other side of the argument is the Butlerian opposition, led by Manford Torondo and Swordmaster Anari Idaho, against technology as being dangerous. Soon everyone will have to pick a side as a human civil war over machinery seems imminent.

Compare that with these sentences from the current Amazon Product Description: “Raquella Berto-Anirul has formed the Bene Gesserit School on the jungle planet Rossak as the first Reverend Mother.” “The descendants of Aurelius Venport and Norma Cenva have built Venport Holdings, using mutated, spice-saturated Navigators who fly precursors of Heighliners.” “The Butlerian movement, rabidly opposed to all forms of ‘dangerous technology,’ is led by Manford Torondo and his devoted Swordmaster, Anari Idaho.” (Note particularly how convoluted Harriet’s version of that last is.)

This is an exciting, fast-paced but thin Dune science fiction thriller as two diametrically opposite visions of the future surface even eighty plus years since the war against the machines. With what is going on in DC, Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson provide a timely tale built on the premise that idealism without pragmatism can turn into uncompromising tyranny.

Harriet Klausner

Ah, a scifi review WITH political commentary! Yes, Harriet, I’m sure that KJA had in mind what’s going on in Washington now when he dictahiked this sucker on some mountain path over a year ago.

Thanks for going through the motions, but really, you shouldn’t have bothered. Again.

It don’t count as win if it don’t got that spin…do-whap do-whop dune flop!

Posted By SandChigger on November 21, 2011

In his Friday, November 18 post “First Review of SISTERHOOD OF DUNE”, Kevin J. Anderson proves again that he is not above putting his own spin on things to make them look better. He begins the post thus:

Publishers Weekly gives Sisterhood of Dune a thumbs up, calling it a “fun blend of space opera and dynastic soap opera” that “zips along faster than light.”

What Publishers Weekly actually wrote (here) was

This shallow but fun blend of space opera and dynastic soap opera, the latest wing on the sprawling edifice that Frank Herbert’s son and Anderson have built on the foundation of the original Dune novels, zips along faster than light.

After years of proofreading the shit books that he has dictahiked and skimming the scathing reviews that have greeted them, Anderson has no doubt developed visual filters which block out anything negative or potentially unpleasant. So I’m sure that he actually did not see that “shallow but” bit at the beginning, or detect the criticism inherent in “sprawling edifice”, and that is what allows him to consider this a “thumbs-up” review.

PW continues…

Humans have defeated cybernetic tyrants and now are torn between rejection of all technology and using machines to improve their lives. Raquella Berto-Anirul, first Reverend Mother of the Sisterhood that will become the Bene Gesserit, is determined to help women develop their potential, even if that means using forbidden computers to monitor a long-term human breeding program.

Well, there were no “cybernetic tyrants” in Frank Herbert’s Dune, but since this new post-prequel prequel trilogy is based on the bullshit of the Legends books, this sort of nonsense will be unavoidable. Rabequella What’s-her-face… NSP: No Such Person in the Duniverse of Frank Herbert. Ampoliros has already mentioned the computers bit over on Jacurutu, and I read this as KJA telling those of us who think he doesn’t know shit about Dune that he has in fact read the later books. (Where the use of computers by the BG is in fact mentioned.) Unfortunately his math seems to be as suss as FH’s own, since the “long-term human breeding program” will no doubt be revealed to be the Kwisatz Haderach project… which unfortunately for the McDune hacks only lasted around 5,000 years and therefore could not have been started soon after the Butlerian Jihad. Nice try, dumbass, but you’ve already fucked up the setting too much to make it work.

The narrative is broken into short, jazzy chapters studded with familiar names like Atreides, Harkonnen, and Arrakis that will grab the attention of longtime Dune fans.

Only a hack who doesn’t “think [an] author should make [a] reader do that much work” could see “broken into short, jazzy chapters” as glowing praise. And only an idiot would think that “studding” a text with familiar names will satisfy longtime [read: real] Dune fans.

The authors emphasize that any set of ideals can evolve into fanaticism; later installments will presumably enumerate the consequences.

Well, that’s obviously going to be another KJA potshot at those same longtime fans, taken by a consummate hack who has no ideals. Other than self-promotion and profit, that is.

Yep, the thumbs are up at Publishers Weekly on Sisterhood of Dune. And Kevin J. Anderson has decided to sit on them and spin.

Eat this, bitches!

Posted By SandChigger on November 20, 2011

Google Blog search results for Sisterhood of Dune, November 20, 2011

Third place works for me!

Edit: Click for updated search results!

Steve? Don’t you mean Keith?

Posted By SandChigger on November 3, 2011

Words fail…

Rick Mann:
I think it would be interesting to see Brian and Kevin do a book on one of the other houses of the Laansrad such as the bitter feud between House Ecaz of Ecaz and House Moritani of Grumman that were embroiled in a generations-long feud. Such an interesting story in Paul of Dune would love to get the entire low down in a book :D
October 28 at 5:38pm – 6 people like this.

Douglas Webber: that would be very cool
October 28 at 5:51pm

Um… wasn’t it pretty much covered in Paul of Dune? What the fuck more do you need to know?

But thanks for proving the points that (1) McDune fanboys really can’t read worth fuck and (2) the content of the books is too forgettable even to those who claim to love them. Not to mention that these fucktards HAVE NO IMAGINATIONS OF THEIR OWN.

Rick Mann: Exactly some of the minor house stuff is really very cool … even the old Ginaz stories would be awesome like even short stories on the different swordmasters that came later those would so ROCK!!!!
October 28 at 5:52pm

What would REALLY SO ROCK is Rick using “even” even more in that comment!

Douglas Webber: I would love that!! There are so many untold stories of the Minor Houses that would really flesh out the Dune universe.
October 28 at 5:56pm

Douglas Webber: i mean 10,000 years is a lot of history.
October 28 at 5:57pm

Rick Mann: Exactly :D
October 28 at 7:09pm

Remove yourselves.

Gregory Lindsay: that would be a fun read!!
October 28 at 10:32pm

You, too.

Matthew David: It would be great to have a gook that is a series of novellas that each cover different houses
October 29 at 1:27pm

Rick Mann: ?@ Matthew oh it would be awesome … there are so many stories you could potentially tell. So much intrigue :D
October 29 at 1:30pm

Matthew David: I really like the idea of Novella. Brian and Steve can each take one novella and maybe even have a guest author contribute a third.
October 29 at 1:32pm

Steve? Who the fuck is Steve? Obviously he means Keith.

LOOK, KEVIN, ANOTHER DUMBFUCK GOT YOUR NAME WRONG! HA HA!!!

But he got the Herbert kid’s right!

Novellas, huh? An ultra-hack like Kevin “Steve/Keith” J. Anderson could toss them babies off faster than he could… toss off a quick one on a mountain path. Need I point out WHAT A BAD IDEA THIS IS?

OK, that’s pretty much it for this one… but what FB Dune Saga dicsucsion thread would be complete without an appearance by Porky Pig?

Rick Mann: Yes or even have other authors such as say Harry Turtledove contribute as well :D
October 29 at 1:34pm

Matthew David: Harry would be perfect!

Matthew David

P: (920) 389-1212
October 29 at 1:37pm via

David James: Do you typically put your phone number in comments for everyone to see? ; )
October 29 at 4:22pm

Matthew David: nope; auto reply from email (duh!)
October 30 at 1:49pm

Matthew David: it’s a filtered number (goes to Google)
October 30 at 1:50pm

David James: ?; )
October 30 at 1:50pm

So there, dumbass.

Looking back through Wall posts on that group, it appears this Rick Mann is a bit of a… how shall I put it next? A dimwitted fuck?

Rick Mann:
It would even be very cool to maybe do a complete book based soley on House Vernius from start to finish giving us the details and the wow I never knew that kind of stuff :D
October 28 at 5:54pm

Rick Mann:
I would also love to have Brian & Kevin fit more of the background on the Jongleur … so fascinating!!!!
October 28 at 5:51pm

Holy Maker… where do they find these idiots?!